I have always been very conscious about my appearance. Not in a frantic way but it has been a part of my overall “me strategy.”.I have maintained the same weight since high school. Even though my body does not look the same as it did then. Giving I have been blessed with 4 children. It’s still the same numbers.
Now that I am older and well let’s face it – things are going south , it’s time for some bigger changes mentally. I am talking about acceptance, with a generous amount of self love.
This together with a new way of approaching everything in life. I am kinder to my self. I have adjusted my way of approaching life. My exercise routine is different- to be honest – less hard core (Iron man) and more soft Yoga 🧘🏼♂️.. as it comes to food – less meat and more veggies. I also practice intermittent fasting , because I strongly believe especially as we age the body needs more time to recover on a cellular level.
And so far so good. I love the way my body feels after I give it the proper care and added attitude – I am perfect the way I am – in a humble fashion😉m
Today 70% of all divorces is initiated by women. A change in economical standard have made it possible for women to take care of them self. Below is a list of the most common reason for a divorce and it might be a bit strange that cheating is not top of the list but it is not.
First of all it has to do with communication or actually the lack of it. In the beginning of a relationship we are on our toes most of the time, head over heels in love. We want to share everything and everything we share is looked on with a sort of fluffy shimmer. As the time passes, and you reach a more comfortable stage in the relationship things ease out and you don´t feel the same need of sharing. You now know each other, and are happy and content.
Give it a couple of more years, a couple of children and you might find out that what you once loved about your partner, opinions you shared might end up being things you really dislike. this is were women lack in
Lack of individual identity
So many of us, tend to get tangled in a pleasing mood towards our partners. We are so in love, and want to be together all the time. We forget who we are and become one with our partners. This is not all bad, it´s a natural phase in falling in love. But, it is so important to stay true to your own identity, remember who you are and what make you tick. Many women don´t, and wake up much later in the relationship just to discover that they live their life through their partner and children and totally lost them self.
Lost in roles
lost in being a mom a parent a wife, forgetting that you still are a couple. And remember that you need to take time off, just the 2 of you. It´s easier said then done, but yet so important. If you don´t you will eventually forget what attracted you in the first place, what was the reason to the spark in the beginning?
Seeking the perfect match
One thing that actually strikes me when it comes to some women reason for divorce is their believe that they will find a prince charming right the moment the leave their husband. I am not saying they won´t but I find it quite strange and almost charming that they actually believe there will be a lot better. Maybe you where out of luck the first time around and never had the chance to feel really madly in love, or that passion and lust everyone so well deserve. Then OK, i get it. But otherwise there must be more to a divorce than just urging the madly love and lust part.
My own reflection
Spending time with a lot of women during the years one pattern that has been quite obvious to me is the changes women go through.We have hormones running wild from childhood up to menopause and beyond, throw in a couple of children and a couple of years just focusing on everyone else, women will eventually wake up and question them self – is this it? Now that the children is a bit older and not in such a motherly need anymore, time (that once was a non existing element) is suddenly available Time to think and self reflect.
It´s not as they want a new man, as it is that they need to find them self again, need to get to know their inner spark once again, without distraction from the world around them. This phase is usually something that will change women. From being focused on everyone else the focus goes within.
This is usually not welcomed by her surroundings, who find the changes much less appealing as the women herself. Yes, the women change and become more aware of her own needs and development, and if her partner can not stand beside her while she goes through these changes, time will eventually run out and she will walk out of the marriages before without looking back once.
Commitment a beautiful word in many ways. Commit to yourself first off . It might sounds like the most natural thing to do, but it is not. Commitment is a way to actually reach your long for-filling goals. Commit and you will eventually reach them. But commitment is and can also be something challenging.
The commitment of being a good parants for an example. How simple it might sound but what a challenging reward it is. Even with healthy children it is hard sometimes. As much I believe in guiding my children through childhood, I strongly believe that my children are sent to teach me things as well. So how do one commit to being a good parent?
The same goes with other relationships, your spouse, how do you commit to a long lasting and happy relationships in a world that is ever changing? As you go through life you face difficulties in many ways, and you change. I am not the same person I was 20 years ago – far from that. So, should I expect my spouse to still be committed to me? Is it fair? Are we obligatet to stay committed even after 50 years together. Well of course not, we all have a choice but the choice is not easy. Do women and men commit differently?
Even the relationship with my parents have changed. What is my commitment to them? I want to be there for them as they get older and even they go through changes. I am stepping in and becoming more as their parent, then their daughter, and as much as I love them, I was not really expecting this. Did I commit to that? I know, I should be thankful that they are still around and alive. And I am forever grateful for them being their when I grew up, but still.
So overall commitment in the right way is good, but maybe we should not put to much effort into all our commitment. And why not rewrite the commitments now and then, just to understand and accept each others changes. Maybe we should just leave it open and commit to life,and nothing more and with life comes changes, lets just to commit to that!
We live better lives than ever before, better food, better educations. We carry a better overall standard. I am not saying all but a lot of us? And still it seems that we struggle more than ever with mental health and building long lasting relationships with other people. What triggers that?
Is it because we have 24 hours access to a larger world, full of new things and people to explore? Endless of good and meaningless information to take part of, this being the era of information.
Should we “sacrifice” ourself for someone else, or should we stay true to our self no matter what? We know from science that people live longer and are generally happier and healthier in physical relationships, but does that mean only love one partner of the opposite sex (or same for that matter) or could it be a new sort of relationship we’re you have many friends both öff and online and choose a parter for parenting your children? You might even choose one of your many friends to partner up for the parenting part. Is the long lasting relationship and marriage a dying form of art?
Could it be that we do not have time for anyone in our life except ourself? So none or nothing else matters? Or could it be that love today has another meaning than it did 2 decade ago, especially with the independence and liberation of the woman? Do the future hold a different kind of relationship?
Will future generation look back at us and wonder what was wrong with us? Or will they try to understand how we did it in a world were you don’t have time nor patience to waste on problems and problem solving.
In the future, will independence be the way everyone lives? Not being attach to anyone not even your children?
I have been a mom for more than 25 years. My youngest is 11, so still a couple of more years were my services is still needed.
The other day my coworker and good friends (despite the age difference of 22 years) asked me a valid question, – aren’t you ever tired of thinking about everyone else but yourself? Numerous of times when she calls me, I have been forced to text her saying I can’t take you call due to being busy making dinner, coaching soccer, visiting relatives, grocery shopping or talking on the phone with either my parents, any of my children or friends or doing any other typical mom shore.
She (my young friend) is like a lot of young women of today busy with just being herself. The other day, when we (me and her ) was talking on the phone and I was busy as making a snack for my son before he was heading to his soccer practice – she just said straight out! I don’t ever want to become a mom. You are always busy, with something or someone. You are never ever just on your own.
And it got me thinking. Is she self centered or self loving?
To be honest, I love my children to death and would do anything for them, but with that said – I am also missing me, and myself. And all the joy that comes without must and chores, and caring for others.and yes of course I would choose my kids in a heartbeat if I had to choose but still!!
Is it self centered to have only oneself to care for or is it self love? .