Life runs by fast, you need to grab it before it’s to late. So many of us, me included are fast runners. One thing leads to another and before you know it you have a couple of half grown children on their own path to find their truth in life.
As a successful woman, who have a lot of things going right in my life. There are still room for growth. There are things that I am less happy about that I want to change going in to the new decade. It is definitely a mindset thing. And something I need to work on everyday to be successful.
I need time (witch is not on my side right now) To be able to sit back and reflect, let that inner voice have the freedom to talk. To look back on things that did not go my way and choose to see them as a blessing. And figure out what it taught me and why? And most important why I need to learn it? Most of them I figurer out and the lesson kept me moving forward.
And as times flies, the reflection get stronger and clearer and it is the perfect way to readjust the path. Small goals can lead to big achievements. So to all you lost souls, or for you who wants to move towards new improvements , but are not really clear on were you need to go – take time to reflect, listen to your inner voice, that inner whisper will guide you right. And promise to commit to yourself!
Today 70% of all divorces is initiated by women. A change in economical standard have made it possible for women to take care of them self. Below is a list of the most common reason for a divorce and it might be a bit strange that cheating is not top of the list but it is not.
First of all it has to do with communication or actually the lack of it. In the beginning of a relationship we are on our toes most of the time, head over heels in love. We want to share everything and everything we share is looked on with a sort of fluffy shimmer. As the time passes, and you reach a more comfortable stage in the relationship things ease out and you don´t feel the same need of sharing. You now know each other, and are happy and content.
Give it a couple of more years, a couple of children and you might find out that what you once loved about your partner, opinions you shared might end up being things you really dislike. this is were women lack in
Lack of individual identity
So many of us, tend to get tangled in a pleasing mood towards our partners. We are so in love, and want to be together all the time. We forget who we are and become one with our partners. This is not all bad, it´s a natural phase in falling in love. But, it is so important to stay true to your own identity, remember who you are and what make you tick. Many women don´t, and wake up much later in the relationship just to discover that they live their life through their partner and children and totally lost them self.
Lost in roles
lost in being a mom a parent a wife, forgetting that you still are a couple. And remember that you need to take time off, just the 2 of you. It´s easier said then done, but yet so important. If you don´t you will eventually forget what attracted you in the first place, what was the reason to the spark in the beginning?
Seeking the perfect match
One thing that actually strikes me when it comes to some women reason for divorce is their believe that they will find a prince charming right the moment the leave their husband. I am not saying they won´t but I find it quite strange and almost charming that they actually believe there will be a lot better. Maybe you where out of luck the first time around and never had the chance to feel really madly in love, or that passion and lust everyone so well deserve. Then OK, i get it. But otherwise there must be more to a divorce than just urging the madly love and lust part.
My own reflection
Spending time with a lot of women during the years one pattern that has been quite obvious to me is the changes women go through.We have hormones running wild from childhood up to menopause and beyond, throw in a couple of children and a couple of years just focusing on everyone else, women will eventually wake up and question them self – is this it? Now that the children is a bit older and not in such a motherly need anymore, time (that once was a non existing element) is suddenly available Time to think and self reflect.
It´s not as they want a new man, as it is that they need to find them self again, need to get to know their inner spark once again, without distraction from the world around them. This phase is usually something that will change women. From being focused on everyone else the focus goes within.
This is usually not welcomed by her surroundings, who find the changes much less appealing as the women herself. Yes, the women change and become more aware of her own needs and development, and if her partner can not stand beside her while she goes through these changes, time will eventually run out and she will walk out of the marriages before without looking back once.
Commitment a beautiful word in many ways. Commit to yourself first off . It might sounds like the most natural thing to do, but it is not. Commitment is a way to actually reach your long for-filling goals. Commit and you will eventually reach them. But commitment is and can also be something challenging.
The commitment of being a good parants for an example. How simple it might sound but what a challenging reward it is. Even with healthy children it is hard sometimes. As much I believe in guiding my children through childhood, I strongly believe that my children are sent to teach me things as well. So how do one commit to being a good parent?
The same goes with other relationships, your spouse, how do you commit to a long lasting and happy relationships in a world that is ever changing? As you go through life you face difficulties in many ways, and you change. I am not the same person I was 20 years ago – far from that. So, should I expect my spouse to still be committed to me? Is it fair? Are we obligatet to stay committed even after 50 years together. Well of course not, we all have a choice but the choice is not easy. Do women and men commit differently?
Even the relationship with my parents have changed. What is my commitment to them? I want to be there for them as they get older and even they go through changes. I am stepping in and becoming more as their parent, then their daughter, and as much as I love them, I was not really expecting this. Did I commit to that? I know, I should be thankful that they are still around and alive. And I am forever grateful for them being their when I grew up, but still.
So overall commitment in the right way is good, but maybe we should not put to much effort into all our commitment. And why not rewrite the commitments now and then, just to understand and accept each others changes. Maybe we should just leave it open and commit to life,and nothing more and with life comes changes, lets just to commit to that!